A (dairy) Lesson on Selfishness

Someone once said marriage teaches you how selfish you are and children teach you how impatient you are.

While I agree with that statement, I'm learning that children try my patience with my self-centeredness also.

While there are many ways this is true, I'm going to beg sympathy for my latest frustration.

But first, a bit of history...

When I married my husband, I had to learn to try not to cook with too much dairy. He was lactose intolerant. There went me ever trying to make one of my favorite desserts (cheesecake), and knowing I couldn't consume a whole half gallon of ice cream alone without knowing that yes, yes indeed I did in fact eat the whole container.There also went all those easy-peasy, AC-friendly casseroles with the main ingredient being either cream-of-this or cheesy that.

But a nice little pill with a friendly little enzyme mostly helped us carry a somewhat normal lifestyle.

And so life continued marvelously past my firstborn, and through my pregnancy of my second born, until he was about 7 months old and was slipped one half-spoonful of gelato from his loving grandmother. The result...

This would continue and get worse, even if he put his mouth on a "clean" spoon his brother ate yogurt with. Not only would he break out in hives, but even too much butter baked into goods brought on bleeding bottoms that lasted days. A trip to an allergist "slightly" confirmed the obvious. (He actually tested positive mostly to beef, chicken, eggs and dogs and barely to dairy-- another story for another day). Sigh.

For some reason he didn't react when I nursed him, which was a bit unusual, but I gladly took advantage of it to still consume dairy to my heart's delight. It was a bit more challenging then I thought it would be, as all of a sudden I had to learn the in's and out's of cooking "dairy-free" (vs just trying to avoid too much lactose), seeing what milks worked and what didn't, and trying not to look at my grocery budget sky rocket when I was buying yogurt, milk, cheese, and ice cream for outrageous prices. Because at least we had it available to us, right? I just counted my blessings that I didn't have to consume that stuff, because I do not care for the taste of any of it.

And thus I learned how to survive...

And then this happened.

Totally different rash. I've tried everything, although deep in the back of my mind, I tried to resist the word "allergy" from springing to the front. And yet, it kept creeping forward inch by inch as one after another of my alternatives were tossed aside. And the knot grows heavier in my stomach. And I daily check the rash and hives.

He hasn't even had dairy yet. Sigh.
Which means it's coming from my breastmilk. Double sigh.

(The dead giveaway was when the small patch that I thought was eczema disappeared from his face while I was DF in Indiana at my in-laws and then erupted across his face and eventually his body the day after I started drinking milk again at home).

So this girl that loves her cheese, fancy cheeses, cream cheeses and ice cream can't have them.

You remember that Fage yogurt that is amazing that I eat almost every day for breakfast? And makes great post-workout treats. Oh yes, I can't have that either.

Oh, and those two gallons of milk that I single handedly can put down in a week. Yup, well I can't have those either.

I think I could cry. (And maybe I did. Pathetic, I know)

Because if I cheat, it turns out those dairy proteins are hardier then some bacteria, surviving within my breastmilk for 2-3 weeks, and lingering in the child for upto 1-2 weeks after that. Are you serious?!

I'm such a semi-closet advocate for breastfeeding, I seriously could probably be a lactation consultant. There are soooooo many benefits, and if a mother can do it, I really do think they should. That being said, can you believe I seriously have harbored thoughts of giving up nursing my child so that I can enjoy my milk? How selfish is that??? Here I donate my excess breastmilk to mothers who can't produce for their own children and yet I was contemplating not being willing to give up drinking dairy for the benefit of my own child's health?

Sheesh.

God may or may not have convicted me a few times (yes, I did contemplate it more then once), that I was being absolutely ridiculous.
We may or may not have had conversations about the creative ways He teaches us to think of ourselves less, and strip us of our sinful nature that likes to cling to us so that we can be conformed more into His holy image.
He may or may not have told me this "fast" was for my own good, as I love food (and dairy!) a lot, and this could remind me to lean on Him, rely on His grace, and use this purging to focus on Him and the things that truly matter.
I may or may not have still begged Him to not let me become lactose-intolerant during my dairy fast.

...Oh, the things a mother will do for her child... ever so begrudgingly
(and with much protest and whining).

But I might not last the 20 months of nursing I did with the other two...