Change and a God-given new Perspective

All this travelling, our impending move, and the thought of more travelling has gotten to me. I may have even lost it right before one trip over a spilt bottle of breast milk. I may have even declared "that's it!" in front of the rest of my family, told my husband he could forget about me on the trip, and stormed off upstairs. It may have taken me about an hour to get it completely out of my system; during that time I may have cleaned the house like a nesting mother, trying to focus on the task at hand versus my forlorn-looking husband and my inescapable future. I may have been completely irrational at the time, having become completely exhausted spiritually and emotionally (he recognized the exhaustion, asking if the baby had been up all night) from it all. And I may have blamed it on my mother-in-law, whom, I told my husband, made me realize I was not invincible when she told both him and I that all women have a breaking point, and need their emotional downtime so they don't snap.

I snapped.

And it was a bit ugly.

I've never handled change well. I didn't want to get married when I did. Never wanted to move from home. Have always enjoyed the status quo. But as I pursue my relationship with God through marriage, I told my husband that I can't remember having "downtime" for more then a few hours lately (which is why he wants to drag me to Hawaii with him while he attends a conference) , nor have I ever felt "settled down" and a sense of permanency, as, counting moves performed for a month or more, we will have picked up and moved 12x when we head to North Carolina in July (6x without the month long moves)... which I guess is good in a sense as it reminds me that this world is not our eternal home. It also makes me fearful for the future-- because we've been everywhere and in-between;now that hospitals and jobs are coming knocking on our door, it makes me nervous to be confident in God's will as we will be entering the final career stage and all our travelling will be done.

And it's "permanent".

Yes, I don't know what I want, can you tell? :)


And I love how God knows what I need to hear, and sometimes when the voices in my head are so loud that I can't hear His whisper, He gives me a visual. And this was the devotional in my email on Wednesday...

(it's a p31 devotional by Lynn Cowell entitled "Getting Past the Pain of Change")

"Through the breakups and broken hearts, God was moving me to a new place where He could reveal a side of Him I hadn't experienced....

He wanted to reposition me so I would know True Love.

Jesus had to change my position to change my perspective.

It seems God often needs to change someone's position so they can see things in a fresh way. In today's key verse (Matthew 17:1-2), Jesus had more to show three of the disciples, so He led them up a high mountain by themselves. A place away from others. A place not easily accessible. But a place where He would change their perspective. Here, before their very eyes Jesus' face shone like the sun, and they heard God speak: "This is my Son" (Matthew 17:5a, NIV).

When the disciples had a change in their position, they experienced a change in their perspective on who Jesus was. It's possible their self-perspective changed as well.

The breakup I went through as a young woman wasn't the only time God changed my position to change my perspective. Moves, job changes, places I have held in people's lives and people's hearts ... my position is constantly changing. Each change brings another opportunity for God to change my perspective. Like the disciples, I can see Him in new ways I haven't seen Him before: my Provider, my Healer, my True Love.

Can you see an area where your position is changing? It may be in your responsibilities as a mom, a new job, at home or in your calling. In this new place, your loving Father wants to show you His perspective of who He is and what He wants to do in you and through you. Open your heart past the pain of change and ask God to change your perspective to see Him in this new place."

 

 

So thankful for this devotion as we head off this morning to go house-hunting this weekend in North Carolina :)